If you know our middle son, you know that he is a very unique young man. Of course, every man is unique because God doesn't make duplicates; but we're focusing on Troy right now. :) If you have read any of the blogs about how we came to homeschooling, you know that Troy has some learning disabilities. You might also know this if you have talked with us in any length about our kids or schooling.
One particular area that he finds challenging is communication. He is very literal and does not pick up on social cues, so he may not realize if he is coming across negative or bothering someone. One of the things that Troy has found to be helpful in Uganda is that he can communicate more effectively because he gets more time to explain what he's saying, and therefore, feels like he can be himself without offending anyone accidentally.
Today we had an experience where Troy's words and attitude did not represent how he actually felt.
Here's what happened:
He was sitting in the old library at church reading while he waited for Floyd and I to meet him. As I arrived, a lady whom I've known for a few years started up a conversation with him. She simply brought up our future move to Uganda, asking what he thought about it. His response was, "well, I don't really have a choice." Of course this came across really negative; so much so that even I was quite surprised by the response. The conversation went on for a bit with his comments really only making it seem more clear that he didn't have a choice.
Once we were on our own walking to the car, I told him that I was quite surprised and I needed him to explain his statement because previously he had told us many times that he wants to move to Uganda. He said, "I do want to move to Uganda." Of course, I asked him if he realized that saying that he didn't have a choice was basically saying that he didn't want to but was being forced because he was just a kid and had to go where his parents go. He didn't realize that at all. I asked him, "did you notice that after your response, the lady said, 'oh, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to go' because she took your response negatively, as any person would." Here's his explanation: since he is a kid, he technically doesn't have a choice in moving or not, so the fact that he wants to move to Uganda doesn't matter. His mind works in a very linear way, so he doesn't quite get the idea that people would ask what he thinks because in a somewhat logical sense, as a child his desire doesn't matter.
I explained that "technically none of us have a choice," because we are all obedient to someone or something. For example, most adults would rather not have a job but they don't have a choice. When you ask how they feel about what they do, the only time they focus on not having a choice is when they don't like the job.
And of course, the greatest and most important example, when we became followers of Christ, part of that choice is deciding that we no longer choose to do what we want, rather we are obedient to the Lord and do as he directs us. So, if we wanted to be technical, none of us have a choice. If God directs us to move to Uganda, how we feel about it doesn't matter. Of course, if we want to do it and are excited and looking forward to it, the journey will be more enjoyable and less rocky (hopefully). So, when people ask how we feel about it or what we think, we don't need to clarify that we have no choice. They just want a little insight into our perspective or a glimpse at how we feel.
Overall, it was a great learning experience. I was able to explain to him that if he did have doubts or felt that he was being forced into the move, then he needed to be honest with us. I explained that we would still move if that's where God led us; but that we would need to take extra measures to prepare and seek outside counsel in helping him (and us) with the adjustment and transition. The good news is that he assures me that he definitely wants to make the move, but he just didn't understand why someone would care what he thinks. What a great opportunity for him to realize that people do care about the perspective of a young teenage boy. :)
It was also a great opportunity to discuss a hard aspect of Christian life. If we truly are going to follow Christ, we must die to self. We give up the things that we want in order to do what God wants. The greatest goal is that we can grow in our relationship with Christ to such an extent that His desires are our desires; His wants become our wants; our greatest joy comes from doing His will because it is right where we want to be.
One particular area that he finds challenging is communication. He is very literal and does not pick up on social cues, so he may not realize if he is coming across negative or bothering someone. One of the things that Troy has found to be helpful in Uganda is that he can communicate more effectively because he gets more time to explain what he's saying, and therefore, feels like he can be himself without offending anyone accidentally.
Today we had an experience where Troy's words and attitude did not represent how he actually felt.
Here's what happened:
He was sitting in the old library at church reading while he waited for Floyd and I to meet him. As I arrived, a lady whom I've known for a few years started up a conversation with him. She simply brought up our future move to Uganda, asking what he thought about it. His response was, "well, I don't really have a choice." Of course this came across really negative; so much so that even I was quite surprised by the response. The conversation went on for a bit with his comments really only making it seem more clear that he didn't have a choice.
Once we were on our own walking to the car, I told him that I was quite surprised and I needed him to explain his statement because previously he had told us many times that he wants to move to Uganda. He said, "I do want to move to Uganda." Of course, I asked him if he realized that saying that he didn't have a choice was basically saying that he didn't want to but was being forced because he was just a kid and had to go where his parents go. He didn't realize that at all. I asked him, "did you notice that after your response, the lady said, 'oh, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to go' because she took your response negatively, as any person would." Here's his explanation: since he is a kid, he technically doesn't have a choice in moving or not, so the fact that he wants to move to Uganda doesn't matter. His mind works in a very linear way, so he doesn't quite get the idea that people would ask what he thinks because in a somewhat logical sense, as a child his desire doesn't matter.
I explained that "technically none of us have a choice," because we are all obedient to someone or something. For example, most adults would rather not have a job but they don't have a choice. When you ask how they feel about what they do, the only time they focus on not having a choice is when they don't like the job.
And of course, the greatest and most important example, when we became followers of Christ, part of that choice is deciding that we no longer choose to do what we want, rather we are obedient to the Lord and do as he directs us. So, if we wanted to be technical, none of us have a choice. If God directs us to move to Uganda, how we feel about it doesn't matter. Of course, if we want to do it and are excited and looking forward to it, the journey will be more enjoyable and less rocky (hopefully). So, when people ask how we feel about it or what we think, we don't need to clarify that we have no choice. They just want a little insight into our perspective or a glimpse at how we feel.
Overall, it was a great learning experience. I was able to explain to him that if he did have doubts or felt that he was being forced into the move, then he needed to be honest with us. I explained that we would still move if that's where God led us; but that we would need to take extra measures to prepare and seek outside counsel in helping him (and us) with the adjustment and transition. The good news is that he assures me that he definitely wants to make the move, but he just didn't understand why someone would care what he thinks. What a great opportunity for him to realize that people do care about the perspective of a young teenage boy. :)
It was also a great opportunity to discuss a hard aspect of Christian life. If we truly are going to follow Christ, we must die to self. We give up the things that we want in order to do what God wants. The greatest goal is that we can grow in our relationship with Christ to such an extent that His desires are our desires; His wants become our wants; our greatest joy comes from doing His will because it is right where we want to be.
Comments
Post a Comment